Monday, February 15, 2010

valentine's day

i spent mine in bed. well in couch bed. . . my new bed. i seriously had every intention of getting up, but i just couldn't muster up the strength. that happens sometimes when i get real depressed. i miss kitty a lot and i am trying not to think about it so i don't get super depressed and then i got super depressed anyway. dumb. thankfully i have today so i will have no choice but to be cheerful. that place is so fucking cheerful. you can't even help it . . . you have to smile when you're in there (cause if you don't we throw you out). well, i hope you had a wonderful valentine's day. thank you for all of your comments and suggestions on the bedroom. i will keep you posted. and thanks, emily, for the pack of polaroid. you are the best!!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

a question

oh, and first a comment. my comment . . . thank you. thanks a lot for all or your kind words (and unkind - those were deleted . . . i mean c'mon. my cat just died.).

the question.

so kitty died in our bedroom and now i do not want to sleep there. i am no stranger to sleeping on the couch. you see, that's where the t.v. is and i LOVE to fall asleep with the t.v. well last night andrew and i got all of our covers and our pillows and camped out in the living room. we ate cookies and candy and watched movies. apparently andrew hates sleeping on the couch and upon waking this morning proclaimed, "we are not sleeping out here again." my response, a curt, "well i am. i'm sleeping out here forever. i'm not going back in there." obviously that won't be possible. although i know i could make it out here for at least a month. instead i thought, "hey, we could paint the bedroom." and alas, the question. any suggestions on color. i've had a lt. aqua and lt. pink . . . andrew suggested red (NO). i want something soothing and also AWESOME. can you help?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

that big litter box in the sky

official list of things that totally suck:

1. watching your cat die.

a short list, i know.
kitty (her unofficial name) had not been doing well for a while, but it was like she had no idea she was sick. she was still purring and playing and meowing (lots and lots of meowing - - she was known for her meow) and eating (man that cat could eat). i kept telling her, "kitty it's ok to die now. you can go to sleep and just not wake up. it's totally ok." but man this cat was stubborn and she just wouldn't listen. this weekend she started to fade a bit. i would just find her standing in front of a wall just staring at it. oh, and she started peeing everywhere. one of her favorite places was the heater. we have one of those heaters that is basically a big whole in the floor (very effective, by the way) and she had started to hang out on the grates all the time. the warmth must have made her feel good. then came the pee. of course you didn't know she had peed until you turned on the heater, and then it was too late. hot cat piss would go on the official list of things that smell so bad you either want to vomit or remove your entire olfactory system. she was doing it so much that we finally got to the point that we would rather be cold than risk the smell. it was at this point that most people would probably just pull the trigger and put the cat to sleep. i just couldn't do it. she still seemed content and i felt like i shouldn't be the one to decide when kitty should die. i thought i would let kitty decide for herself, still thinking that she would just die in her sleep. unfortunately that is not how it played out. yesterday morning kitty was definitely not looking good. she was listless and weak, but still purring and meowing. i told andrew he could schedule the appointment to have the doctor come to the house to put kitty to sleep on thursday. i figured that might give here some time to die naturally, which she did. the only problem was it was a very painful process for the both of us. when we got home from dinner last night she was pretty out of it. no more meowing or purring, not even and interest in ice cream (her favorite) or mint (her other favorite). i picked her up to hold her in my arms and she was in a puddle of blood. that's when i was overcome with guilt (growing up as a jew, guilt is by now means a foreign emotion). i should have just put her to sleep when she was still happy, but i was selfish. i didn't want the pain that went along with essentially killing your cat. i assure you, this guilt is much worse. i stayed with kitty as she struggled for breath for hours. she has always been such a tough cat and stubborn and she just wouldn't die. i could tell she was uncomfortable, even though andrew assured me that cats are different then humans and it probably looked much worse than it was. ***side note. um, wow . . . and also, sorry. i just looked back and i have been droning on for a while. i'll wrap it up.
she suffered, i suffered and at about 12:30 i had to go to sleep knowing that kitty would be gone in the morning. and 2:15 i woke up and she had left and gone to that big litter box in the sky. which, by the way, i hope has a ton of litter cause this cat poops and pees a lot!! big human size poo, not little cat poo. grosssssssss. andrew was up with me and kept telling me to just cover her up. we had made a really fluffy, comfy death bed for her (depressing, but if your dying, you should at least do it in a place that is fluffy and comfy). i didn't want to because for some reason that seemed mean to me. a decision i kind of regretted this morning when i woke up an the damn cats eyes were still open and i couldn't close them cause she was completely stiff (yuck!).
well, andrew is gonna take care of the hard stuff for me today, i.e., taking completely stiff cat to get cremated, disposing of litter box, kitty food, etc. oh and also scrubbing the heater so we can have heat. so i'll leave you today with a little note to kitty.

kitty, i met you when you were 3 weeks old and you had to be the cutest thing i had ever seen. even cuter than surprise kitty on youtube. you were also a terror and totally annoying, but also totally awesome. i taught you how to talk (well, meow back and forth with me is more like it) a decision i would often regret when i just wanted some peace and quiet at 2 in the morning. you threw up a lot, peed a lot, pooed a lot, but i didn't mind, cause you were my kitty. you chilled out with me under the covers when i was depressed and shared my food with me (especially tortilla chips, ice cream and milk from the bottom of my cereal bowl). you lived a good life, 15 years, and although i always knew that you would most likely kick the bucket before me . . . it doesn't make today any easier.

ps. next time you decide to die, can you please close your eyes.

and a ps. to you. i apologize for any typos, etc. i am not rereading this, because i need to pull myself together and get on a conference call shortly. and then i'm gonna eat french fries and chocolate all day long . . . take that, diet!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

uh-huh, yeah!

seriously, though. how appealing is this photo right now? i'll tell you how appealing. very appealing. if someone could just confirm for me that the cigarettes are unfiltered, there's more ice in the freezer, a couple o' hundys (that's gang talk for hundred dollar bills . . . what gang? i don't know what gang. just a really cool gang that likes linguistics) in the purse and those pills are either ambien or xanax and we're all set.

ps. so far this is the only linguistics gang i could find and they are decidedly uncool.