peonies and carnations

yes, i said it. carnations. i am really starting to fall hard for carnations, especially when those darn peonies are so expensive. i had some left over from a shoot and was lucky enough to find a stow away box of polaroid in the back of the fridge. one reason why i think i used to hate carnations is that in high school our school would have fund raisers on different holidays (christmas, st. patricks day and the dreaded valentine's day). for a buck you could send anyone in the school a carnation (dyed to match the holiday - i.e. green for st. patrick's day - how lovely) and it would be hand delivered to them in homeroom. well in high school i wasn't really a part of any one group. i spent my freshman year with what i thought were a bunch of nerds in a.p. classes with 6 students, but my best friend's were very pretty and popular. i think i was somewhere in between. not sure that my humor translated well. i think it takes people a while to develop the ability to understand (and appreciate) sarcasm and for a sad few, that ability never comes. i know this because i have met them and its, well, awkward. if nothing else, i was nice. nice and cute - two words i used to hate and now i would welcome either. this nice/cute combo seemed to endear me to the less fortunate fellows in the school. . . the nerds. to them i was attainable, although my sites were set a lot higher. well one fellow in particular was very reliable when it came to sending carnations. every holiday they would call my name and i would anxiously read the card thinking that maybe my boyfriend, who actually attended another high school might have found a way to beat the system and send me flowers. nope, it was always that silly, lanky, nerdy guy and luckily for me, we shared homeroom (the luckily part, that was sarcasm). so as i read his name on the card i would slowly lift my head, look in his direction, force a smile and mouth the words, "thank you." well as it turns out, i ran into the same fellow at our ten year high school reunion and he was GORGEOUS. OMG. and the answer to your next three questions is yes, yes and no. so the moral to this story is simple: DON'T HATE ON CARNATIONS.

at the paramour

i took my iphone to the paramour.
it had fun.
so did i.

bouncy balls

these are bouncy balls.
i love bouncy balls. i love how they look and i love the pure satisfaction i get from bouncing them (that's what she said - - sorry, i couldn't help it).
but bouncy balls got me thinking about bouncing back.
they do it so easily, but i fear it is not that easy for me.
i wonder if it has something to do with getting older. the same way in which it is harder to lose weight after being a glutton for several months or even the way my right eyelid has decided to start drooping (and i can't tell if anyone else notices it? i hate stuff like that).
regardless, bouncing back from the last few months won't be as easy as just putting up a new calendar (i kind of hoped that a new calendar, fresh journal, resolutions, goals and a severely positive attitude might help). it's really gonna take determination and patience. i definitely feel like a weight is lifted, and i think a lot of you do, too. i think if we all try to bounce back together it would be a lot nicer. what do you think? do you have any advice for bouncing back? when you feel yourself slipping into old habits, what do you do?
i think i need a mantra or a theme song, or a mantra and a theme song. or a theme song that can be spoken as a mantra.
emily had me hooked on "break my stride," by matthew wilder - for a while there. i think she saw oprah say that was her mantra song (sorry emily, i may have just outed you). it was kind of working, but i need something new. can you help me? pllllllllleeeeeeeeease.

at the beach

i was on a nordstrom photshoot at the beach yesterday with this amazing photographer. it makes me happy to be around other creative people . . . and getting paid for it isn't so bad, either. ah ha. getting paid. another thing i can add to the list of things that make me happy. and by the way, thanks for all of the great comments. it's nice to know that we are all willing to take time and really think about what makes us happy. ok. short but sweet today as we are heading back to the beach this morning.

ahhhhhhhhh.

whew. i cannot tell you how happy i am to put 2009 behind me. oh dear, that one was kind of a doozy. but enough looking back. i am going to look forward now and i tell ya, it's pretty darn liberating. i really want to focus on being happy in 2010. i know, i know, how freakin' overplayed is that one? but really, i actually sat and thought about it. about what makes me happy. i even started a list. i mean there is the obvious stuff like, sitting poolside at the parker, eating chocolate without gaining an ounce and shopping, ahhhhh shopping. but then, when i really thought about it, it turned out there were lots of little things that made me happy. and some of them were things you would never expect. i say that because a lot of them were things i would never expect and i figure if i wouldn't expect them, then you certainly wouldn't. and so i present you with a list of examples taken directly out of my new journal.

* being able to walk barefoot on the floor without getting cat hair, cat litter, my hair, misc. shrapnel, etc on my feet.
* wearing black eye liner - - it really does make me feel prettier.
* moisturizing - boooring, but i actually feel the happiness as i do it. it's like i know i am doing something good for myself at that moment. simple and silly, but true
* doing the right thing
* finishing what i start
* sunlight - - in my room, on my face, etc.
* taking photos - -believe it or not, sometimes i forget how genuinely happy that makes me.
* sleeping on cleen sheets
* eating from the garden - -this sounds so hipster bougie, but i gotta tell you, when i actually do eat from the garden i genuinely feel like i am better than you.
* freshly painted fingernails (and toenails, too)
* filing --weird, i know. don't get me started. i just spent an hour entering deposits and withdrawals into quicken and it's the happiest i've been all week.

the list goes on, but you get my drift. what i realized is that a lot of things i always assumed make me unhappy, actually make me happy. i avoid cleaning and organizing like it is the plague and yet, it makes me happy when i do it. i have always assumed that it is much more pleasurable to fall asleep with my makeup on and then show up for work the next day with that day old eyeliner and some fresh lip gloss (not cute), but as it turns out spending 10 extra minutes before bed and the same in the morning makes me feel better. oh and then the little things that are forgotten like letting the sunlight hit my face or painting my nails. i mean, c'mon, no wonder i have been so damn depressed. i had just lost track of what makes me happy. ok, so now i have no excuse. i have my list (and it's growing all of the time). happiness here i come. oh, and i was just wondering . . . what makes you happy? maybe i've missed something.

ps. if you say something like my baby's smile or feeding the poor, i will delete it!

it's almost 2010

and i couldn't be happier. and that's not to say that 2009 had some high points. it did, and i am grateful for them. especially this. but it had some pretty low, lows. yuckville, usa. thanks for sticking with me. as a fellow blog reader i know how discouraging (and annoying) it can be to go to a blog and see the same freakin post for weeks on end and then when a new post comes it is sooooooo depressing. i am really excited about getting back into blogging on a regular basis. still no polaroid to speak of, but i have my new friend the iphone, and another new app - shake it photo (evidence above). wishing you a very happy new year. here's to an amazing 2010 for all of us!

ps. i put a few more shake it photos here.

clearly

clearly i am taking some time off from blogging. i am out of polaroid. yuck! depressing. boo hoo. weep weep. maybe a fairy princess will give me some for christmas. fingers crossed. if not, i will be forced to use the polaroid filter in photobag on my i phone (photo example above). oh, and running a small empire takes a lot of work. jamie and i always joke about how innocent the decision was. we'll just make some headbands and sell them online so our friends can buy them. what were we thinking? who knows, but it has been amazing and stressful and creative and rewarding and exhausting. we are super excited for 2010 and i am exited personally as well. i just know it's gonna be a good year.


ps. we are offering $20 off of any ban.do line purchase until midnight. type hooray in the coupon code at checkout. oh, and we just launched our new bridal as well.