what did you do this weekend? i unraveled. BIG TIME. sunday was filled with cursing and kicking and spitting and breaking. not productive at all. sometimes i just don't want what life is giving me, but i also feel bad for not wanting it. i am busy with work and while i know i should feel grateful, sometimes i would rather just be angry and let the whole thing just take me down . . . all the way down. down to the depths. so far that the neighbors run inside their house because i am on the front lawn screaming like a maniac. what can i say . . . i had to get it out. i feel better now. i didn't do it on my own. i owe a lot of it to half of a xanax that i found in my wallet from the last time i flew to seattle. i always keep one on me when i fly. i used to be horrified of flying, but now i am kind of ok. i don't want to say totally ok, cause if i do, then i will surely crash, solely because of the irony of the whole thing. obviously i'm ok, cause i still had the xanax. now i am ready for bed and ready to wake up at the crack of dawn with a truck filled with bikes and couches and beach umbrellas and drive to north malibu, north north malibu. far far away. i am grateful for this job, i am grateful for this job, i am grateful for this job. andrew is working with me and promises to come to my rescue if anyone tries to give me any trouble. thank goodness. oh, and my dad was here this weekend, too. i wish i didn't have to work all weekend, and it probably would have been nicer for him if he didn't have to watch is daughter lose her shit, right before his eyes. sorry, dad.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Posted by jen gotch at 9:15 PM