Sunday, January 24, 2010

unraveling


what did you do this weekend? i unraveled. BIG TIME. sunday was filled with cursing and kicking and spitting and breaking. not productive at all. sometimes i just don't want what life is giving me, but i also feel bad for not wanting it. i am busy with work and while i know i should feel grateful, sometimes i would rather just be angry and let the whole thing just take me down . . . all the way down. down to the depths. so far that the neighbors run inside their house because i am on the front lawn screaming like a maniac. what can i say . . . i had to get it out. i feel better now. i didn't do it on my own. i owe a lot of it to half of a xanax that i found in my wallet from the last time i flew to seattle. i always keep one on me when i fly. i used to be horrified of flying, but now i am kind of ok. i don't want to say totally ok, cause if i do, then i will surely crash, solely because of the irony of the whole thing. obviously i'm ok, cause i still had the xanax. now i am ready for bed and ready to wake up at the crack of dawn with a truck filled with bikes and couches and beach umbrellas and drive to north malibu, north north malibu. far far away. i am grateful for this job, i am grateful for this job, i am grateful for this job. andrew is working with me and promises to come to my rescue if anyone tries to give me any trouble. thank goodness. oh, and my dad was here this weekend, too. i wish i didn't have to work all weekend, and it probably would have been nicer for him if he didn't have to watch is daughter lose her shit, right before his eyes. sorry, dad.

9 comments:

N A D I N E said...

well, what xanax is doing for you chocolate is doing for me. I gained six pounds this weekend. still not feeling okay or through it though. thanks for sharing, somehow it helps.

zhenkkaa said...

hope this week brings you more serenity than this dreary weekend! go back to that list of little things that make you happy. did u moisturize tonight?

Jacinda Davis said...

Things will get better...For now I am glad that you have been posting more lately. Keep it up, even if you think nobody wants to hear it. It's good for you to get it out and other people in the world like to know that they're not the only ones feeling down. At least I know that I feel better after throwing some words out into the open.

Jacinda Davis said...

Oh, and as for what I did this weekened, nothing. I had not had a weekend at home for six weeks. To tell you the truth, I drove myself kind of crazy too.

Christopher said...

hope you're shoot goes well today, and that this week treats you well!

slowrider said...

Post pics of the shoot w/bikes when it's over.
Did you use any of mine after all?

bri. said...

it is weird how much alike we are.
i can count the ways on my hands and toes.

xx Bri
meet this week! after a bit of unraveling on my part.

Patricia Torres said...

oh my gosh... such gorgeous pictures... lovely!

Dita Maulani said...

My first experience with xanax was last year. My friend know I don't eat pills, I don't smoke, don't drink alcohol, just coffee.
It gave me a long sleep! Really 15 hours straight.

I love to read your blog. really you've got a telling-story skill of the year.

Dita